There was a time in my life when I was afraid of silence. Then someone challenged me to a practice of sitting in silence for just 5 minutes a day. At the time I thought that I could add this practice to my morning commute. Instead of the listening to the radio, I would listen to myself. I still remember the first time I turned off the radio in the car and came face to face with my deep fear.
“What happens if I spend dedicated time with myself and find out that I don’t like the person that is “me”?
I began to realize that I was a body in motion reacting to the needs of others — on projects, on care-giving, and on leading. Focusing on others prevented me from knowing who I was or what I wanted. I had convinced myself that I did not have time to focus on myself. I was a professional woman with 2 small children.
However, in reality I had spent my life running away from my fears. If I focused on myself I feared that I would come face to face with my unworthiness. As long as I stayed busy I could ran away from my shame and pretend that all was well. I thought that I could work my way into worthiness by focusing on others.
How many of us, if we took the time to be honest with ourselves, would discover a similar angst? How many of us have spent the majority of our lives putting out fires and caring for others in an attempt to run away from ourselves?
The Gifts of Deep Listening
The day I turned off the radio I began a journey of slowly listening to and honoring my thoughts and feelings. I began to look at my unhealthy patterns with curiosity and slowly let go of self-judgment. I came to know that my true self is born of love, joy, peace, patience, and kindness in the image of God. Stepping more fully into my gifts, I began to risk living out my dreams. I began to say yes, to the “me” that was longing to be discovered. This did not happen overnight. Rather, it has been a journey with valleys of darkness as well as times of joy.
What I have discovered along the way is the more I am able to courageously look at my fears, the greater my capacity grows for resilience, confidence and wisdom. The more I attend to my own healing, the greater impact I have in my work and my relationships. Contemplative practices, in the form of meditation and yoga, have been key to embracing my sacred self.
Contemplative Yoga Retreat
This summer I am offering a contemplative yoga retreat for folks who want to take that next step in their own healing journeys. This sacred time will allow you to listen with the ear of your heart. This retreat will provide a safe place to settle into the wisdom of your body and allow your soul to come out and play. It will be a time for deep renewal as you discern those next steps in your life. If this sounds intriguing to you, I invite you to find out more about the retreat here.
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