When Words Wound and Silence Intimidates

From J.K. Rowling to Charlie Kirk to late-night comedians, America’s free speech battles expose a deeper question: Do we have the maturity to speak the truth in love?

“Free speech” is one of those phrases everyone claims to defend, but few actually practice. On both the left and the right, the principle is often invoked as a shield for our side and a weapon against the other. What gets lost is the maturity it takes to live in true freedom.

First, a basic reminder: the First Amendment protects us from the government, not from each other. Twitter, YouTube, or a university can moderate speech—even badly—without violating the Constitution. The true constitutional danger arises when government leans on private companies to silence voices, or when officials threaten critics directly.

Consider the recent case of late-night hosts Jimmy Kimmel and Stephen Colbert. When politicians threatened to pull their broadcast licenses because of jokes at their expense, that wasn’t free speech in action. It was intimidation. That’s what actual censorship looks like: government power used to muzzle dissent.

But the danger doesn’t just come from the state. It also comes from a culture eager to police one another. J.K. Rowling is a prime example. You don’t have to agree with her views on gender to see the larger problem: overnight, calls to ban her books, conferences disinviting her, publishers pressured to cut ties. Instead of debate, she faced erasure. That kind of mob pressure doesn’t create safety; it creates fear. And fear suffocates dialogue.

Then there’s the far right, where voices like Charlie Kirk loudly wave the free speech flag, but what they practice is often cruelty disguised as boldness. Bullying, mocking, and belittling others is framed as “just telling it like it is.” That isn’t courageous truth-telling. It’s speech wielded as a weapon.

Whether it’s government intimidation, cancel culture, or cruelty masquerading as candor, these distortions all reveal the same thing: immaturity.

The Cost of Immaturity

The statistics are sobering. A third of college students now say violence can be justified to stop a speaker. Seven in ten believe it’s acceptable to shout down someone they disagree with. Nine in ten professors admit they self-censor. We are raising a generation that confuses disagreement with danger and equates debate with harm.

The left, once the champion of free speech, increasingly polices it in the name of safety—think Rowling. The right, once the defender of free speech, now bans books, punishes boycotts, and threatens comedians with government power. Both sides weaponize speech. Both sides reach for control.

A Different Way

Christians should recognize this pattern. Scripture consistently ties freedom to responsibility. Paul wrote: “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love” (Galatians 5:13).

  • Freedom without responsibility becomes cruelty. We see this in the voices who justify bullying as honesty.

  • Responsibility without freedom becomes tyranny. We see this in cancel mobs and government intimidation alike.

Real maturity means holding both together: the courage to risk offense, and the humility to honor human dignity.

Jesus himself modeled this paradox. He spoke truth that offended both the religious establishment and the political authorities. But he also treated every person—enemy or friend—with dignity. For Christians, that’s the bar.

The Christian Test of Maturity

The real question for us isn’t whose speech we want to suppress. The question is whether we are growing into people who can hear one another—even when it hurts.

James wrote, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). That isn’t weakness; it’s wisdom. It’s the maturity our public life is starving for.

Can we defend the speech we dislike while building communities where truth and care live side by side? Can we resist cruelty disguised as freedom and coercion disguised as compassion? Can we, as the Apostle Paul urged, “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15) in a culture addicted to outrage?

That’s the test. And it’s not just a test of our politics. It’s a test of our discipleship.

Tired of Feeling Lost?

Discernment

My grandparent’s dinner table holds one of my fondest memories from childhood. Every Christmas Eve my Grandpa Estock held two small plates – one with slices of garlic and the other with a generous glob of honey. He would stand beside each of us and gently say, “Dip this garlic in the honey and eat it to help you remember the love around this table. So if you ever get lost in the woods you will be able to find your way home.” I have continued this tradition in my own home on Christmas Eve, well aware of all the times in my life that I have felt lost and was able to find my way home.

If there were ever a time that we need my grandfather’s garlic and honey remedy it is now!

Our being lost shows up in our exhaustion, anxiety, grief, frustration, and anger. We are so done with this pandemic and the many ways our lives continue to be tossed by the sea of uncertainty. We long for stability and yet wonder when the next covid surge will come.

It is time to find our way home. But where exactly is that and how do we get there?

The home of which I speak is a quality of deep trust where, as Julian of Norwich said, “All is well, and all manner of things shall be well.” It is being aware that this one precious life is being lived through us. It is an experience of constant wonder and delight with the unfolding of life itself – even the messy parts. When we find our true selves – loved, loveable and loving – and feel our connection with all creatures great and small, we are home.

When we find our true home, time slows down with a sense of spacious delight. We begin to notice beauty in the most unlikely places. We open to compassion for ourselves and others. We are able to sit with messiness and grow wise by it. We open to our innate wisdom and trust in its guidance. In short it is when we seek justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with Love.

There is an ancient practice, called Discernment that helps us to find our way home. This practice looks more like a labyrinth than a straight line, but eventually you find yourself in the heart of it all – grounded, connected, confident, and whole.

If you are longing to find your way home, I invite you to take this journey of discernment with me during the Season of Lent. You can find out more HERE.

Because we all know, there is no place like home….

Saving the Day

The other day I generously let my daughter use my home office for several of her zoom work calls. I was fine working in the living room until I realized that my computer was running out of power and my cord was still plugged in on my office desk.

I gingerly walked to the edge of the French doors of my office and peeked in. My daughter was at my desk in the middle of a heated conversation with a screen full of faces on her computer. And to the other side of her I could see my power cord.

I weighed my options and decided my best way in would be on my hands and knees. Surely, I thought, no one will see me crawl into my office and maneuver myself behind her as I reach up onto the desk and pull my power cord out of the plug.

Crawling in, she did not even turn her head. I thought, “Yes, I can do this!” I crawled behind her, reached up for my cord and made some noise as I pulled it out. I looked up at her to see her reaction. Luckily, she was still engaged in the conversation. Feeling triumphant, I crawled back out and shut the door behind me.

Celebrating our Foolishness

I chuckled to myself as I went back to my computer. The sight I must have been – a 50 something mom crawling on her knees like a little kid sneaking sweets from the pantry. I really felt like I had gotten away with something!

It was only later in the day that my daughter showed me some of the emails that she had received from the people on the call.
One colleague wrote, “I wanted to say that whoever it was in your home that made an appearance in the Zoom meeting should be notified that they saved a meeting that was spiraling out of control towards train wreck status. She sure alleviated everyone’s spirits. I know that I was on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Lol Please send my thanks her way!”

Moral of the story: Sometimes our biggest fear of making a fool out of ourselves may be the best gift we can offer our team or our daughter’s team! After all, life is too serious to be taken seriously. # bethehero #foolsforthewin

Discovering Stardust in the Berry Patch

blackberries on the vine in a berry patch

It is berry season in the Pacific Northwest. Like a hummingbird to nectar, I make my way to the local berry farms in search of raspberries and blackberries for jams and pies that continue to remind my family of the simple joys of summer when we pull out that jar of berries the middle of winter.

As I make my way down the rows of berries calculating the best place to search for the delectable sweets, I fall into a yearly ritual. It begins with adjusting my eyes to the ripest berries through distinguishing the nuances of color and juiciness as I taste my way to perfection. As I search for those treasures hiding under the shade of leaves, I catch myself humming a tune or reciting a blessing of gratitude. I feel the gentle breeze on my skin and listen to the songbirds as I create my own “Eden” experience.

The Threat

But inevitably something pulls me away from that revelry. It is the threat of the berry poachers!
You see, there is an honor system for seasoned pickers – stay to your row and do not infringe on someone else’s territory. I chuckle to myself when I ponder its absurdity, as if others, just a few hours before me, have not already walked and picked from this same row.

Even so, I can feel the tension well up in my body as I hear others approach. I wonder, “Do they understand the importance of honoring this custom that helps to maintain harmony among the pickers?” Just in case, my reptilian brain stem kicks into gear as I ready myself for the fight. My heart races as I puff up with a wider body stance and scan my territory. Then I pick up my pace, stuffing my mouth and my bucket with berries, lest someone else get them before me. The game is on and I am ready to protect my territory from any intruders.

With over 20 years of picking experience, I still get triggered. It is like I get highjacked by my ego who seeks to possess, at all costs, what I desire and protect what I believe to be mine. If I can do this with berries in an abundant field, imagine how I can react to matters of greater significance?

The Triggers

As a contemplative, I know this is an artificial division between what I have come to call, I/mine and not-I/yours. My spiritual practice helps me to see this reaction in real time and hopefully choose to respond in love, having compassion for my survival instincts and their over reactions as well as care for the common good. If I don’t have the capacity to take this pause and choose my response informed by love, I could easily get trigger into a cycle of violence in thought, word or deed.

I realize that my ego is a gift as I make my way in the world, but if I allow it to have its way in all circumstances it can have disastrous effects, akin to a tantruming two-year-old with a weapon. The more of otherness I can include, the greater capacity I have for compassion and understanding. As my mother likes to say, “To genuinely care for others, we have to be able to walk in their shoes.”

Expanding Compassion

This is a capacity that grows as we move in concentric rings from focusing on my ego needs (egocentric), to caring for my family and my tribe (ethnocentric), to caring for other families and tribes (world-centric) to caring for the earth and its people (planet-centric) and finally to all of the created order in the universe (cosmo-centric). Each one of these are perspectives that we can take to help us make wise choices in our complex world. I think of this as the ever unfolding ripple of compassion. If as the sages profess, “All we need is love,” then the more we move along this pathway to greater compassion (egocentric to cosmo-centric), the more capacity we have to act with loving kindness. And, simultaneously, the more access we will have to delight and wonder.

We are literally all in this together.

From these expansive perspectives we can understand, that we are a part of something abundantly bigger, created in love for love. Life is a miracle and we get front row seats to watch it unfold. Wow! We are connected to other human beings and all of creation in a dance of mutual reciprocity. When we step into love, we are able to engage the world with compassionate care.

Instead of hoarding my berry row, maybe I could open my heart and realize that the berries are here for the picking and the sharing. Why would I want to deprive others of this delight? Why would I want to deprive myself of opening to others in our common humanity?

As I look around the world today in this era of Covid 19 and racial injustice I am aware of how often we have allowed our fear responses of fight, flight and freeze (egocentric) to overtake our better angels. We puff up our chests and protect what we believe is ours. Our inclination is to orient around “my rights and my liberty” at the expense of our community and common good. We have lost sight of the truth that we are made of stardust and belong to each other on this little blue dot somewhere in the universe.

We are not alone in any of it.

If we could only see that the person in the berry row next to us is a human being struggling just like us to live through these trying times. They have hopes and fears, a history of joys and sorrows and their own painful stories of brokenness and despair, just like us. And they also happen to love berries just as much as we do. When we realize that we are that deeply connected, maybe we would choose to not only share our berry row, but also to share our berries.

How to Navigate as Leaders Through the Unknown

navigating through the rapids of the unknown as leaders

On February 13th I began my odyssey with Covid19 after returning home from a trip to Asia. Even though I never could get tested, I had the symptoms and decided to self-quarantine. At that time my family as well as the county health department thought I had gone over the deep end viewing my concern through the lens of panic. My reframe at the time was, “I am not panicked, I am trying to be realistic and responsible.” But since I was such an early case in the United States, I felt misunderstood and alone. As I tracked my illness along with my internalized anxiety, I had lots of time to think about what might be needed in order to navigate as leaders through the unknown.

The unknown of the pandemic has the contours of rapidly changing information on a global scale, economic uncertainty, job insecurity, an overwhelmed healthcare system and anxiety over our own health as well as our families. Rapid change is washing over us in waves to the point where it is difficult to catch our breath, let alone orient ourselves.

On a personal note, I can honestly say, I have never experienced this level of fear or anxiety in my life. I was sick with an undiagnosed virus and did not know what would happen to me nor how long I would be contagious. I feared giving it to my 83 year old mother with a compromised immune system. I was frustrated knowing that I could not protect the ones that I love the most.

Survival Instincts

Our natural inclinations to keep that anxiety at bay is to take one of three actions – pretend that nothing is wrong, distract ourselves with inconsequential matters, or fight our way through the system. I watched myself do all three depending on the situation. This is a normal part of our survival response – flight, fight or freeze.

If that is a little glimpse of what might be happening with each one of us as we face this pandemic, it is also happening on a collective level. What I have noticed with organizations who are operating from anxiety is that their underlying fear prevents them from making pro-active and healthy decisions for the future.

When we let fear have its way, we close off to novel solutions and new possibilities. I have watched this over and over again with my consulting work in organizations. The difference in this pandemic is that more businesses on an exponential scale will be facing their potential demise. As leaders, if we let fear have its way, we will not be able to creatively lead our organizations through this.

Resiliency?

One key word that people like to throw around in leadership circles these days is resiliency. It is the capacity to recover quickly from challenges and difficulties. A plastic band is resilient as it springs back into its original shape after it has been stretched. Maybe being resilient is a stretch in our daily lives, but I think it is too tame when we need to navigate as leaders through the unknown.

Transformation

Much like The Odyssey, we are embarking on a journey that will forever change us both personally and collectively. When those survival instincts show up, our move as leaders needs to be counterintuitive. Instead of operating out of our flight, fright or freeze reactions, we need to be able to access our creative capacities and work together on innovative solutions. The more we try to resist, the more we will struggle and the longer it will take to find our way.

So how do we navigate as leaders through the unknown? We grow our capacities for honest self reflection and courageously accept our own discomfort. We become aware of our own patterned responses in the face of fear so that we can respond proactively instead of reactively. Finally we develop the capacity to relax into that unknown with a sense of curiosity and openness. In essence, this is the journey of transformation.

Here are moves we can make to navigate as leaders through the unknown.

Develop a practice that centers you.

Every morning ask yourself, what do I need today to take care of me? It could be an exercise routine, an extra cup of coffee, journaling or a walk outside. It is important that you take the time to pause and listen. You have tremendous wisdom that can be accessed if you take the time to listen. Try a short and simple breathing practice like this.

Open your heart

Acknowledge your uncomfortable feelings with compassion.When you communicate from a place of honesty and vulnerability people listen with respect. Afterall, we have never been through a pandemic before. All of our emotions can be, as Rumi says, “guides from beyond” that can be a source of intelligence as we discern what is ours to do.

Trust that you are not alone.

Love is holding you and supporting you to step out in faith. You’ve got this! Allow that love to settle in your bones so that regardless of the chaos, you can relax into what you know is yours to do as well as not to do.

Look for beauty and laugh often.

Open to wonder in the simple things like a smile, a sunrise, birdsong, or a great show on Netflix. This is good medicine for both our mental and physical health as it relieves stress and builds up natural immunity. Plus, life is just so much more full when we can look on the bright side of life at least once a day.

Be Kind.

There are many moving parts with lots of different people trying to deal with circumstances the best way they know how. Therefore, extending compassion to others is extremely important. In this new pandemic dance we will be bumping into each other and stepping on toes. Don’t take it personally.

Take a balcony perspective.

Look around you and map out the trends to capture a bigger picture. See what you can learn from other areas that are experiencing this pandemic a few weeks ahead of you. Then map out how you can build your organization’s capacity to meet that new life condition that is coming your way.

Accept that things will get worse before they get better.

This is not a situation to fend off; rather, this is a reality to navigate through. If we rationally plan for the worst, we can then hope for the best. And at the same time remember what Winston Churchill said during WWII, “If you are going through hell, don’t stop; keep going.”

Ride the waves of the changing conditions.

Let go of trying to maintain some sort of idealized status quo. Instead of defending the gate entitled, “We have never done this before,” hop on a raft. Imagine you are floating down a river with some gnarly rapids. Put on your life jacket, pick up a paddle, and row with your team. Look for the new opportunities that come along the way. Send It!

Act on behalf of the common good.

People are looking to you to set a caring example. Be a good neighbor by adhering to the CDC protocols. Ask what you and your organization can do to help alleviate the suffering of others who are facing illness, job loss or homelessness. After all, we are all in this together.

If we focus on these essentials, we will arrive back where we started at the end of this pandemic odyssey never to be the same again – wiser, more connected, and confident in our capacity to lead through any adversity with creativity. Our transformation awaits.